Secrets and Silence

I am silent today

Holding in all the things together.

If I were to tell you, 

Would it scatter apart?

For it's so much easier, 

When there isn't a secret keeper.

Yet, I find myself bubbling,

A world stays in me. 

Unknown to the rest, 

In the folds of my being.

A volcano of thoughts, 

Building up slowly, but surely.

Shall it erupt? Shall it flow? 

Traveling towards the vast blue sky.

At times I'm afraid it shall burst,

Spilling those words I dare say not. 

Yet I am silent today.

Perhaps my words shall find their way. 

****

Pondering late last night, brought out quite some many questions, I absolutely had to jot it down. 

How do you deal with secrets?

**

Image: Google search :)

Hold it still

While writing this particular poem I was rather upset, yet was feeling a little content, a little excited, mingled with a little fear. I didn't know how to bundle it all up. So there's two aspects to the poem. The first is rather gloomy, dark and captures the essence of fear, pain and worry. 

The second one was written a few hours later. Although I meant it to be a Stormy mixture of excitement and fear, I couldn't put the two together. The second aspect is that of thrill, fantasy and all things 'rainbows' as it was pointed out to me by my dear sister. Hope both aspects reach out to you as they do to me.

Take one:

There's a storm inside me

And its growing each day.

How do I capture it?

Hold it still.

Bubbling with fury.

Gripping with fear. 

Bursting inside. 

Hold it still.

Too many thoughts gathering,

And answers vary so. 

Questions are in my mind

Hold it still.

Flooding with insecurity. 

Weeping with pain.

Throbbing within. 

Hold it still.

For you may try and scratch, 

The surface of it all. 

Yet moving it remains.

Hold it still!

Filling with worry. 

Gasping with care. 

Hurting below

Hold it still.

Take two:

There's a storm inside me

And its growing each day.

How do I express it?

Hold it still.

Bubbling with fantasy

Gripping with fun

Bursting inside. 

Hold it still.

Too many things gathering,

And answers vary so. 

Your thoughts are in my mind

Hold it still.

Flooding with love. 

Filling with play.

Skipping within. 

Hold it still.

For you may try and touch, 

The surface of it all. 

Yet jumping it remains.

Hold it still!

Filling with tenderness. 

Gasping with care. 

Excitement below

Hold it still.

Conversations

I feel so lost tonight, 

As a lost soul for shelter does seek.

A hungry reminder of your thoughts. 

Invades my sleep, invades my dream.

Didn't you see the extent to which I had drowned myself?

To the way I had confided in all?

You stomped away when you pleased.

Not once glancing back to see.

For that's what happens when you make home of people,

And share In your deepest secrets.

They turn about and leave.

Not once sparing another thought.

I waited for many a days to come.

A sign of your return, perhaps you would someday remember? 

I couldn't blame you for all that,

For I know you far too well.

Far away have you gone already,

I haven't heard from you in a long time. 

Oh why do you trouble me while I sleep?

When shall I get that peace?

As I lie awake another night, 

On the windowsill do I sit.

Looking out at the darkness outside.

My heart with heartache does grip.

I cant believe the way I've become, 

The way that I do weep.

It can't be all for you my mind says.

But my heart does know the truth.

I can't stand the thought of another night, 

To be spent in a manner like this. 

Yet I know, the answer to my thoughts, 

A couple more nights do I have more like these.

I was tempted

I knew this day was to come.

He would leave me.

Scattered. 

Broken. 

Beyond repair.

We could never be, 

he'd said.

I continued to love him.

 Each broken bit, 

Each inch of my being, 

Filling his flaws with my reason.

I drowned in his delicious words, 

Carried away by his waves, 

Surrendered my being. 

My body lit up at his name, 

My voice shook with anticipation

Fingers trembled at his thought.

What a sight he was!

Butterflies invaded my tummy, 

Words they were stuck.

In a whirl, as a storm would. 

Destroying me bit by bit. 

Upsurged my heart they did.

I was dying each day.

Yet loving him was deliciously sinful.

What was I to do? 

I was tempted.

I'm still tempted.

This post is a part of Write Over the Weekend, an initiative for Indian Bloggers by BlogAdda.

What are you running from?

"What are you running from?" She read the scribble in the book lying on her lap.

Those few words made her heart race, it was as they were meant for her.

She'd drowned herself in literature.

Since when had literature begun to ask questions?

Sighing gently she turned the page.

**

Random scibblings: Super

A few taked on Super.

**

What power he emits!
Such strength he displays!
Might!
A superhero is born.

**

No you're wrong, he screams.
My daddy is a superhero!

**

Working in the spider section gave him the creeps.
Her favorite was spiderman.

**

He's my super grandchild she says.
He'd boldly saved nani from the falling building.

**

Little bobby was taking obsession to another level.
Red underwear over blue pants.

**

You mean daddy isn't a hero?
She cries.
"He is little one.
A martyr for the nation."
Not all heros are indestructible.

**

I'm a housewife, she said.
Oh you're a superwoman?

**

"Hulk is a monster," I cringed.
He has good inside him mommy.
We all do.

**

Supper? He texted.
I danced with joy.
Super!* sorry for the typo.

**

Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious!
I still sing that one!

**

How do I look?
Super! He said always.
She sighs at his vocabulary.

**

The child within

My heart was a traveling
Along a rather lonely path,
It saw not grief or sadness.

Nor was it depressed,
Or upset by the world,
It chose this self inflicted madness.

Drowning in words,
Gulping in poetry,
Lost in a world so far.

Living that life,
A world privy to none,
One that was imagination at large.

I stayed in a corner,
Tucked in a book,
My nose was buried inside.

The world seemed moving,
At a pace too fast.
A safe haven was my book to hide.

When characters didn't suffice,
My thirst for books,
I took another way out.

I began to write,
Every essence of my soul,
Those words dissolved all doubt.

As I found myself,
Reflecting on those pages,
Pages from a land within.

I lost myself,
Once again.
To the little child staying within.

Have you ever felt so?

Ten minute scibble, rants of the heart at 4 am.

**

Waking up in the early morning,
When the sun is yet to rise.
Realising the dream that you saw,
Still Vivid in your mind.
Scrambling to open your phone,
To note it all down.
Or Perhaps a handy book
At your bedside.
Describing your dream,
Yet pass it off as fiction later.

Have you ever felt so?

Reading a book,
Emotions running high
You tend to flow in them.
Then tragedy strikes.
Your mind numbs.
You try to soak it all in.
Push aside every thought.
Ponder over life as it is.
The way it could be.
The way it is.
The way it shall be?

Have you ever felt so?

The end rush
An overly feeling of joy
Wild ecstasy.
Pure vibrancy!
The happiness, the cheer
And all that you want to hear.
In knowing what tomorrow shall bring.
In delight your heart does sing.

Have you ever felt so?

**

Balms of the night

I found today,
What It felt like, to have lost again.
I never thought I could feel so.

The wait unbearable.
The silence that follows after.
A mere smile would suffice.

Could I possibly,
Have stopped myself from thought.
For its 2 am and I'm lost.

Lost in a certain darkness.
I stare into nothing of importance.
I stare into space.

My mind refuses.
Tiredness doesn't settle in just yet.
My body, a witness to the day.

Thudding can be heard,
Was it my heart? Was it my soul?
It's calling out to someone.

Can you hear me?
It says. Can you hold me?
The plead goes unheard, lost again.

Darkness envelopes me.
All sounds seem so faint.
Thoughts invade me thereafter.

Refusing to settle.
Like a dust storm it scatters.
Bits of stones everywhere.

Anyone at all?
I'm not okay, it says.
Can you calm down my mind?

It's calling out.
Calling out this night.
Yet darkness engulfs my body again.

It Captures me,
Numbs me,
Finally sleep Soothes me.

The president's fleet

All halt young men!
All halt passerby!

A symphony of whistles blow,
All at once they cry.

It seems that time has come to a still.
It seems to be a special day.

The roads are blocked by policemen,
All scurrying along their way!

The fountains erupt in song,
A beautiful sight to see.

The path is clear and leading up,
Cleanliness was the key!

When all at once a sound is heard,
An all but desperate cry.

Make way, make way,
Stay out of the way.
For the president shall be arriving!

A convoy of cars pass by in a blur,
We stood there struck in wonder.

When traffic resumes, a honk blows closeby.
I'm left with thoughts to ponder.

Reminders

Touches so fragile.
Hardly seem to be there.
Yet were.

In some time floating,
Between dreams and reality.

How is it that you seem so far,
When you're with me as I sleep?

How is it that you go away,
When my eyes open so.

When the day seems to only begin,
You remind me of your presence.

In ways I could never imagine,
In things as unimportant as folding clothes.

Perhaps when I'm doing an ordinary task,
Your scent lingers in the air.

As I travel through the days,
You accompany me through silence.

And I hug myself to sleep,
Dreaming that dream again.

Touches so fragile.
Hardly seem to be there.
Yet were.

Reflections

A lot of times, you may feel that you have changed,for the better or at times for someone else. You may not even recognize yourself anymore. Who you were before and what you have become.

I stare in the mirror,
To look at me.
The person I was,
The person I would be..

This image of mine,
Reflecting  back.
The one I barely know,
The one I thought was me.

She scowls back,
Her features lost of innocence.
Lines that run along,
Defining each expression.

Her eyes lost that shine
Lips without lustre
And endless pale skin
Who is it?

It isn't mine,
Not any more..
The person in the mirror
Is mocking me

Image courtesy Google

Language of the eyes

Sometimes all it takes is a single glance, to know what the other person feels.

Those eyes they speak
Another tale
Of what tomorrow became,
When the present changed so. 

And through such gestures,
Did it be clear.
What was to come,
That what had never been thought before.